I've tried posting this in the 'What not to do with a Heroes OC character' Forum but its been a while since anyone has posted there. (June - the last post) So, I will try here.

I'm not sure if my person is Mary-Sue or not. I will be giving lots of info about my person and I would appreciate tips, comments, etc.

Would having a power of Air/Wind but having it change with one's emotions through their breath be considered Mary-Sueish? Cuz thats what I'm thinking but I'm considering other powers:

1. Sound control

2. Light

3. One Element...

4. 'The Eraser' (One can erase or temporarily move it practically everything except memory. Ex: Erasing writing with a wave of a hand, typed work, computer data, permanent writing on anything, prints on things, objects in people's hands, etc, I think you get the idea)

I'm seriously considering the fourth one but I need other ideas...Thought, I'll probably stick with Air/Wind and maybe not the breathing thing. I want to be original but not Mary - Sueish because I think my character is very Mary Sue right now. Especially with the past thing...

Name: Kira Scarlett

History: There's a company called D.A.T.A (Defense Against The Abilities) The Abilities are considered people with powers that are used for the worse; The Heroes vice versa. Ex: Sylar. Kira's Mom died in a sort of battle against The Abilities or this thing called T.A.C (The Ability Corporation) Though to regular people, its considered a very good coporation which helps everyone in everyway and does all these good deeds. Mom had the ability to heal/protect but died doing so.

Later in the story, Sylar become CEO of TAC. But the CEO then was a guy who could kill peole by controlling them - driving them insane, making them commit suicide, etc - or by erasing them from his mind and people could tell when he does that because there is a hiss, clash, then whosh - gone - and the victim must be vulnerable during this time. But he would have to get so deep into one's mind to be able to control them in that way. It takes quite a while and after he does this, he leaves a special mark. The assistant CEO guy destroys people's powers permanently. Again, that takes deep concentration and ability to go very deep into one's mind which also takes a while.

Kira's Dad has the power of light and dark. He had the power of light before until he turned evil when Mom died. You know, he just kinda lost it and was persuaded and convinced that the other side was better for him. So now his power is dark. He can, in a way, put darkness in people. He himself would turn into this cloud of, well, darkness, and allow himself to go through/into the body. He's spies on DATA.

Looks: Long black wavy-curly hair with scattered purple highlights Fringe/sidebangs. Takes a lot of taming to do. Length - right below her chest. Very small - 5 feet, 3 1/2 (Maybe 4, I'm considering) inches tall. Thin as well. Just regular thing not anorexic, kay? Short legs, short upper body - just very short. Blue eyes. Stand out from her body because her hair is black and she has skin on the lighter side - not too pale though. Just normal..? Freckles across her nose and under her eyes. Diamond - shaped face.

Personality: Quiet voice, can be shy but can be outgoing. Can become very emotional/oppionionated when she wants to. Strong personality (If you know what I mean) Her opinion can't be easily changed. But then she tends to be very stubborn and VERY impatient. Doesn't always choose the right words to say. A bit of a secret blabber. Though kind, polite, loyal to only people she cares for. Doesn't trust easily.

She lives in an old apartment in the depths of NYC in the shadow side of Starchester neighboring The Endams who live in the absolute darkest spot. Never comes out of their apartment, lights never on. A man only takes a 10 min stroll at midnight everyday. And an old lady named Mrs. Corma lives across from her and she is very spontatneous and yells a lot. Bargains and argues a lot in the market.

In her apartment, its very messy because she is a very unorganized person. She plays guitar and sings at cafes and stuff for money. And she has a pet cat named Batman who barks and thinks he's a dog. ....XD

Sry, its a LOT OF INFO I just gave you. If you are so kind and stupid as to read this whole thing, I greatly appreciate it. Sharing tips, and stuff like that would is nice. Stupid, but nice.

Thank You

Oh and might I mention that she does not know this happened to her parents and stuff because this happened to her at a very young age. She does know about the two companys and how her Mom worked for one but she knows nothing about her Dad. After her Mom died, her Dad couldn't be trusted to be taken care of so her Aunt took her to live with her. Her Aunt has no powers. And has not told Kira about her Mom and Dad cuz then she'd just take revenge and try to seek her Dad and stuff which would bring her into lots of danger, etc.

Thanks Yous

I hate to say it, but yes, they are kind of mary-sue-ish.

The key to writing a good character is to ground her in reality. First off, give her a resonable name. I'm using Holly in my current Hereos fanfic, but that's pushing it, really. Akarma sounds like a Hindu goddess, to tell the truth. Also, "light" powers are not a good choice, unless well explained. (Light emission, maybe she's like the sun?) Elementals are good, since they seems to come up a lot in the Heroes-verse. Sound control is good too, since we've already seen it twice. Eraser = NOT GOOD. Don't do it!!!

The rest of your story is good, if you don't plan on having any of the original Heroes characters in it. Otherwise, some of Kira's traits need to be more realistic. Like her father's power. It's a little odd, even for Heroes.

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