You can put ideas here.

Rule 232: The Scientists are no longer to be given aluminum foil, sun lamps, and copper wiring.

Elizabeth sighed. She didn't know who had suggested rigging up a tanning booth, but half the scientists and at least a quarter of the soldiers now sported sunburns that wouldn't go away anytime soon.

Rule 233: No more new religions, people

She smiled. Joshua Adams of A-6 was now worshiped by the inhabitants of ten worlds as the Almighty Flame-carrying sun lord. Atlantis was beginning to look like a bunch of wanna-be Goa'ulds.

Rule 234: 'It followed us' is no longer an excuse to bring animals back through the gate

Long story short, Ronon had brought back a giant spider that spun webs that blocked off corridors and could only be cut down by oxyacetylene torches or the like. It also had a few hundred different venoms and bore the nickname 'Charlotte' from the book by E.B. White. Those habits were under control now, but Charlotte still scared the living daylights out of Stargate Command, the IOA, and half the residents of Atlantis.

((More later. Gotta go.))

Rule 235: One more religion and the team responsible will be subjected to Clifford, Ronon, Teyla, and Charlotte . . . at the same time.

Five new religions in three weeks: Two inspired by A-6's pyro, who got his hands on a stick from a ritual fire on those worlds, two inspired by the presence of cotton candy in A-13's hands, creating the Gods of Edible Rope, and one which revolved around the Almighty Brain Being, a.k.a. Rodney.

Rule 236: From now on, Zelenka's alcohol is not to be taken offworld

She didn't want to know why John, along with the rest of A-1, had taken half of Radek's whole stockpile of alcoholic substances offworld in the guise of camping supplies. Now they had been forced to create several stills to make the alcohol and let Zelenka show the inhabitants how to make it.

Rule 237: The scientists are not to be trifled with. That means you DON'T duct-tape Rodney's mouth shut.

Ronon had done that. The base war that resulted pit Rodney, John, some of the soldiers, and most of the scientists against Zelenka, Weir, most of the soldiers, Teyla, Ronon, Clifford, and Charlotte. The result hadn't been pretty. Supplies were still being hoarded.

Rule 238: Do NOT push Clifford off the Piers.

A. He gets angry, people

Rodney had accidentally pushed Clifford off the East Pier during the Scientist Revolution, as John had named the base war. The resulting state of Rodney made Carson start bawling.

Rule 239: You are now allowed to perform taxidermy on the corpses of your wraith kills and mount them in your rooms

A. Just not in the main areas, save for a few wraith heads on the wall in the Mess Hall

B. The stuffed Wraith scare newcomers

Elizabeth sighed. Ronon had started the trend, Kavanaugh had complained, and Elizabeth was surprised that the Expedition was allowed to keep them. She guessed that General O'Neill had managed to intervene

Rule 240: The Daedalus is NOT allowed to be taken for joyrides

A. Next time, I won't be able to get General O'Neill to let it slide due to the joyriders being drunk.

B. It'll probably qualify as a capital offense.

C. That means imprisonment at the least.

She didn't want to know why they did it. Or why they drank every drop of moonshine that Zelenka had made in the first place. Or why the ship was nearly out of ammunition and there was a cargo of trophy Wraith carcasses in the hold that Ronon was working on stuffing when they got back. Or how they got their hands on several Wraith Darts. She didn't want to know. The cause of the joyriding, which was inebriation, warranted the next rule.

Rule 241: Zelenka's moonshine is now locked in a storage chamber when not in use

A. You have to request it now

B. You and at least ten other people

C. And I'll decide how much gets taken out of storage.

D. Dr. Weir and Colonel Sheppard each have one of the two codes needed to open the storage room.

E. That means you need to run the request past both of us, not just one.

Rule 242: From now on, any hoards of supplies will be found and confiscated

A. I've trained Clifford to sniff out supplies and deal with perpetrators.

Elizabeth smiled. The Scientist Revolution, it seemed, wasn't over. There were still minor skirmishes and supply hoards.

Rule 243: Clifford merchandise is now only to be made and distributed offworld . . . and Scientists are no longer allowed within ten feet of him.

A. The attempts to clone him to sell as 'Genuine Cliffords' are a bit too much, people.

B. Life-sized Clifford stuffed animals are okay.

C. Get rid of the cloning records and the current batch of Clifford-clones

D. Don't kill them

E. Sell them to natives of different worlds

She didn't know who or why that person started cloning Clifford.

((If I'm giving you too many suggestions, I apologize. I just can't stop thinking of ideas.))

Rule 244: From now on, leave any and all strange devices alone until we know what they do.

A. They can have unforeseen effects

Elizabeth sighed. A Wraith device had reduced A-13 to children, and boosted the amount of life-force they had to the point where their bodies made a large amount of life-force so that they slowly grew younger unless fed on or the effects were undone. The device had apparently been a 'Fountain of Youth to make Wraith food last longer,' as Rodney called it. Sheppard just called it a Fountain of Youth and requested it be shipped back to Area 51 for study and reverse-engineering.

Rule 245: Pirates and Ninjas is getting out of hand

A. Do you really need to turn it into an interstellar game where each faction has their own planets and bases and you routinely attack each other's planets?

She didn't want to know why, but it led to the next rule.

Rule 246: Stop outfitting our Jumpers and Darts with the intar weapons you bribed the Daedalus to bring you

Why couldn't Pirates and Ninjas just stop?

Rule 247: Stop stealing Wraith Cruisers using only a few Darts, some Jumpers, and canisters of the humanizing retrovirus.

A. You're using the virus faster than we can make it

B. Stop using these ships to better play Pirates and Ninjas

C. Steal a hive ship if you can't stop stealing ships.

D. Hive ships make a better fleet.

Rule 248: Any Wraith-related taxidermy is only to be done or supervised by Ronon

A. He's best at it

Long story short, an improperly-stuffed Wraith had stunk up the entire city.

Rule 249: Never press the big red button

She was glad they hadn't had to hold a funeral. Carson, however, was still occasionally bursting into tears.

250: P5X-246 is not to be referred to as "Vegas."

A. The planet turned into a near-copy of Las Vegas because we interfered

B. It's close enough to a religion to be treated as such and have the same consequences administered.

A-10 and A-13 were still barricaded in a few rooms along a little-used corridor and growing their own food in an attempt to stay away from Clifford and Charlotte. Scuttlebutt amongst the expedition members was that the two teams were going to secede and flee to a deserted world to start their own country. This led to the next rule

251: Seceding from the expedition will result in being sent back to earth and, quite possibly, other consequences.

She had to be preventative.

Rule 252: The Wraith are not to be referred to as 'mutant M-113 creatures', despite the fact that both are vampire-like

The scientists had recently gotten their hands on several Star Trek episodes and one of them had compared the Wraith to the M-113 creature from the episode 'The Man Trap.

Rule 253: The retrovirus Carson designed to give a microscopic amount of Wraith DNA to a person so that they can control the three Hive ships that A-1, A-10, and A-13 have stolen so far is not to be referred to as "Wraith transmogrification potion"

A. It doesn't turn you into a Wraith.

B. It just gives you enough DNA to control a Hive Ship.

She didn't want to know how that came about

Rule 254: From now on, animals are not to be brought back through the gate as pets

A. Rodney's new pet monkey is the last one I will allow through

Long story short, Rodney had brought back a monkey that seemed to understand mathematics and the sciences. It was now dubbed Curious George, George for short, and it was nearly sentient, being able to develop and communicate ideas, understand complex situations, and think on a level near that of humans.

Rule 255: All of Rodney's work is to be run past Zelenka and George.

A. George has proven himself just as intelligent as, if not more so than, Rodney.

It was true. George was currently working on a way to reset the micro-universe a Z.P.M. created, thus extending their life spans and even allowing them to be recharged. Running the work past Zelenka was just to double-check everything.

Rule 256: Don't make me ban Pirates and Ninjas.

A. Adding a branch of Cowboys and a second super branch, this one consisting of Samurai, is a bit extreme.

She didn't want to know why. Nor did she know who the Samurai were; no one except themselves and the Vikings knew, because the Vikings and Samurai had made a truce, and the Samurai had secret identities like the Vikings did

Rule 257: Stop reprogramming the computers to repeatedly play the Light Cycle scene from Tron while the scientists are working on complex programs that could someday save your life.

One of the new soldiers had a bit of computer knowledge and was apparently trying to see how far he could push the scientists. George the monkey had snapped first, and Carson still occasionally burst into tears

Rule 258: Stop hazing the newbies.

A. It's not nice.

B. People can get hurt

C. Talk to the patients in the Infirmary if you have a complaint

A few of the veteran members had made a group of newbies hop around on a rocky planet, in the dark, with both hands and one leg tied up behind their back. Major Loraine Hendrickson's broken-in-2-places left leg and broken-in-3-places, incompletely-fractured-in-2 left arm had earned her an honorary promotion to member in the 2nd

Rule 259: From now on, Ronon's recently formed fighting class is not to take place except on the piers or in a first-story room.

A. Falling out a window hurts.

Ronon had felt that the men needed a fighting class, which he'd dubbed the Men's Anti-Wraith Training Club, or Men's Training Club for short, similar to the Ladies' Club after he'd gotten beaten miserably by Laura during a sparring match. The first class had resulted in a few injuries after Miko and Laura showed up to criticize Ronon's teaching. he still backed away slowly when Miko or Laura walked by.

Rule 260: Giant, intergalactic, satellite-based subspace communication relay networks are allowed . . . when not being used to illegally transmit satellite T.V. signals from Earth to Atlantis without paying

A. No, I am not going to ask General O'Neill to divert a portion of the Stargate Program's budget to paying the T.V. companies for the signals.

She'd approved the project because Rodney had agreed to allow automated weapons systems to be mounted on the satellites to defend the path to the Milky Way as well as the fact that the relay network would allow a back-up communications method. She didn't want to know who's idea it had been to bootleg the satellite TV signals, but she'd stripped the scientists of coffee privileges, excluding decaf, for a month as punishment.

Rule 261: Never question the scientists' learned opinions

A. They know what they're talking about

B. They have the power to make our lives agony.

C. They know how to make Atlantis malfunction.

The just-completely-quelled Scientist Revolution was now back in full swing, all because Joshua Adams of A-6 had said that the newest equations for one of the scientist's projects made no sense. The main difference in this Revolution was that the scientists were making the lives of everyone on the expedition miserable by causing inconvenient malfunctions and refusing to fix them.

Rule 262: Stop starting little farms on remote, out-of-the-way worlds and selling the food for ridiculous prices at offworld markets

A. Start stockpiling it here so that supplies from the Daedalus will last longer

B. Some of the worlds can barely afford the prices

Rule 263: The Menagerie can stop growing

A. I know those cute-yet-vicious creatures that the scientists are calling Mogwai from the old Gremlins movie didn't follow us back through the gate like you said

B. They make good bodyguards, but 50 of the things is a bit too many

Thankfully, the Mogwai-like creatures obeyed Ronon and whoever Ronon told them to obey. This incident led to the next rule

Rule 264: The Mogwai bodyguards are still in training

A. They will be available for use after Ronon finishes training them to be proper bodyguards and skilled wraith killers . . . and taxidermists.

A-1 through A-10 had already reserved their Mogwai members.

Rule 265: Ask about a planets culture before indulging in any cultural practices

John, Ronon, and Rodney had each inadvertently married three native girls on one of the planets they had visited. They were still trying to figure out how the planet went about divorces.

Rule 266: Thank Rodney after he's just accomplished a difficult task

A. He figured out how to turn A-13 back to normal . . . with extensive help from George.

Rule 267: Whoever froze George in a stasis unit needs to unlock the controls so that we can unfreeze him

A. He's become Rodney's backup.

B. If you don't come forward, I am going to give the soldiers permission to beat a confession out of you. That means all the scientists will wind up in the infirmary.

Rule 268: Don't give Katie Brown a reason to release her 'Botanical Warfare' projects.

A. They tend to be dangerous.

B. If you even mention the words 'plant' and 'injury' in the same sentence within his earshot, Carson starts bawling like he's never bawled before.

Apparently Katie had done some genetic engineering and had created several new plants that could do all sorts of potentially injurious things. One had actually beaten Rodney senseless with a vine and had given him a concussion when he had been late for lunch. A second had given John a nasty rash when he let slip his opinion of Rodney after Rodney had just spent five hours annoying him. A third had smashed Ronon into a wall and broken several of his bones in the process.

Rule 269: Pirates and Ninjas can now be referred to as P.N.C.V.S.

A. Pirates, Ninjas, Cowboys, Vikings, Samurai

B. The full name is too long.

Rule 270: Stop using the Fleet for P.N.C.V.S. purposes.

A. You already get to use the Darts and Jumpers when you can cloak and smuggle them offworld to the different bases for P.N.C.V.S.

B. You can't smuggle a Wraith Cruiser or Hive Ship from the Fleet out of orbit.

Somehow, Rodney had developed a way to extend a Jumper's cloaking field around a whole squadron of Darts and fly them through the gate. The teams had taken advantage of this to smuggle their ships offworld to continue playing P.N.C.V.S. Elizabeth had allowed the opening of the Jumper Bay doors to go unnoticed because she unofficially supported the game. Then they got cocky and tried to smuggle the Fleet out of orbit. The Daedalus and Apollo had caught them and threatened to charge them with treason if they didn't return the ships to orbit. She had fully supported Colonel Caldwell's threat.

Rule 271: This is not Star Wars, people.

A. That means stop trying to design a Death Star-like superweapon to use against the Wraith.

B. It would help, but it would also be too expensive.

C. Earth would never pay for it.

The Smart Camp had decided to start trying to design and build a working Death Star after A-13 had returned from M3A-449 and watched every Star Wars movie while high. One of the members had suggested building the Death Star to take out the Wraith. For some reason, the Smart Camp had taken it seriously.

Rule 272: A-13 is to be searched for pipes and contraband substances upon returning from M3A-449.

A. They've tried it before.

B. And they've tried to smuggle it to Earth to sell for ridiculous prices.

She did not want anyone else on Atlantis getting high on that stuff, much less people on Earth. Besides, she was sure the prison sentences would be pretty long if they got caught on Earth with it.

Rule 273: The Mogwai creatures are not to be allowed to go to M3A-449.

A. They wreak havoc while high.

B. Not even Ronon can control them when they're on drug-induced rampages.

C. They're learning how to cause maximum damage with minimum effort.

D. They know how to set the self-destruct.

E. Do you really want Atlantis to get blown apart? And us with it?

Rule 274: Katie Brown is to be given everything she asks for as far as research is concerned.

A. She's trying to engineer an antidote to the M3A-449 drugs.

B. Just don't let her actually use the samples of the drug that she's using to test her experimental cures.

Rule 275: Stop cloning the Menagerie

A. We do not need an army of animals

B. How do you plan on feeding the massive amount of clones?

She didn't know who's idea it had been to begin building an anti-Wraith army of animals by cloning the Menagerie. She thought it was an okay idea, but they didn't really need it.

Rule 276: You are not allowed to strip the drones from the Jumpers.

A. Not even if you want to mount them on weapons satellites

B. We don't have an infinite supply

C. And the Jumpers allow for a lot more firing mobility.

Rule 277: You are now allowed to use first-person shooter video games that have been modified to use gun-shaped controllers for targeting practice.

A. Thank the Smart Camp

B. It was their idea

C. They're the ones that ran it past General O'Neill

Rule 278: Remember what I said about new religions?

A. The full brunt of the Menagerie will be brought to bear against you if you keep starting new religions.

B. We are NOT the Goa'uld.

C. Stop acting like we are.

Apparently the Expedition had forgotten the rules about starting new religions. A-13 had gotten high on M3A-449, and then had gone to another world, where they had killed the village leader accidentally when their guns went off. It seemed that the village believed that only gods could kill their leader, and so A-13 had started a new religion.

Rule 279: Stay well clear of Charlotte's corridor.

A. She's trying to raise her young.

B. She's violent.

C. She nearly killed John.

Charlotte had turned out to be capable of storing embryos from previous matings and bringing them to term on a whim. The Expedition now had to deal with about fifty young spiders and an overprotective mother who tried to kill anyone who got too close, with the exception of Ronon. Ronon wanted to keep the babies, but Elizabeth had decided that, once the young were old enough, they would be released back on Charlotte's home planet.

Rule 280: From now on, do not feed the Mogwai peanut butter.

A. It makes their fur fall off.

B. It also temporarily bestows them with human-level intelligence.

C. Their violent nature combined with that intelligence boost is a dangerous combination

McKay had fed some of the Mogwai peanut butter and spent the next five hours trying to keep them from destroying the city. As it was, they had hijacked two Jumpers and gone on a bombing run over the mainland trying to destroy everything until the peanut butter had worn off.

Rule 281: You are not allowed to get revenge on a member of the Menagerie if the aforementioned member of the Menagerie attacks your member of the Menagerie.

A. Unless your pet gets killed

B. If it is only wounded, revenge is not allowed.

Whiskers had apparently gotten into a fight with Charlotte. Charlotte had won, but Whiskers had been rescued before Charlotte could kill it. A-12 was protesting Charlotte's continued presence on Atlantis because of the danger and had even tried to assassinate the spider on multiple occasions. Elizabeth had merely responded that at least Charlotte hadn't killed anyone, unlike Whiskers, who they had positively identified as the janitor-killer when they found an abandoned room that Whiskers had been using that was filled with gnawed-on human bones.

Rule 282: Don't use the Fleet to run a protection racket on other worlds.

A. That's not what we stand for.

B. We aren't mobsters, and this isn't a futuristic '80s movie

C. We don't extort supplies from other civilizations in exchange for protecting them from the Wraith.

D. We protect them anyways.

A few of the teams had started using the Fleet to threaten other worlds with attack unless the natives gave them all sorts of supplies, in which case the Fleet would protect the world from the Wraith. Elizabeth had been informed of this by Ronon, who felt it was a dishonorable, disrespectful thing to do. He received something of a promotion as a reward, which led to the next rule.

Rule 283: Ronon is now in charge of the regulation of all weapons and ships.

A. You must check them out from him with a large stack of paperwork detailing exactly what you are planning on doing with the ship or weapons, a mission timeline, and how many ships or weapons you require.

B. He has every right to refuse the request, as he is acting on mine and Colonel Sheppard's authority.

C. He also has to file a report detailing what requests he's approved, and which ones he's denied, along with a reason for the approval or denial.

D. If we find his action with regard to the request unreasonable, we can overturn it.

E. But you have to go through Ronon first.

who's clifford? every thing else is insane and I laughed my ** off. Your ideas are incredibly funny

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