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Tai PingTopic: Blind continuation?
So this is to discuss th continuation of the Plot Bunny "Blind" that was thought up by Nilahxapiel and written by me. The general concept is that to kill someone with the death note you have to know their name and face, however, Raito who has the note, was born blind. So how can he use it? **Stop reading here if you don't want spoilers to the fic** Since we're discussing what to do with the fic basically this entire forum here is going to be one big fat spoiler. Anyway, how I ended the fic was he can't use it, never realized what it was for and was using the magical notebook at face value, and was writing notes in it. *doh* Anyway, at the moment there are two different paths that this could take, they're huge so I'll put them in two different posts. |
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Tai PingBlind story bunny 1: Raito does nothing with the book and suffers through Ryuks taunts, feeding him apples to get him to shut the eff up. (After all when your primary knowledge of the world comes from an audatory source I imagine it must be hard to block out noise. It's like seeing something annoying and blocking it out by closing your eyes, effective for the moment but impossible in the long run) Eventually Misa Misa will get her own death note, since her parents were killed she would have this empowered sense of justice and a desire to get revenge. She would become the first Kira. *Hmm the rest of this story is just coming to me now* However she is both easier and harder to catch, easier because she's not as crafty, harder because she's not as goal oriented. She vaugly decided she wants to make the world a better place but unlike Raito she's not as obsessive compulsive as him. She starts the initial killings and Raito who likes to listen to the news gets intereste in the case, his father also talks about it, since the majority of killings are occuring in Japan. He gets Sayu to describe things to him (being his younger sister she's used to fulfilling the roal of his "eyes" and has good description skills, something which makes her want to become a writer, she becomes very important in this plot idea) Raito draws the connection that the first person ever killed was the killed of Misa Amane's family. Sayu is a bit of a fan of hers so when Raito mentions a want to question her she says it's possible since she has a shoot in Omotesando. It's during school hours but Raito and Sayu skip out (BAD KIDS!) and go to see if they can meet her. Raito pulls the "I'm just a poor blind kid who became a fan of Miss. Amane's voice and all I want to do is hear it purely speaking" which chokes everyone up because Sayu and him lie and say that their father was killed and other such sob stories to get closer to Amane. However as soon as she sees Raito she flips. For two reasons, one, he's hot, two, he has no death numbers (she did the trade with Rem so she could get people on TV especially bad actors with stage names.) She grabs him and ditches Sayu and tells him that it's very important that she talk to him later. She gives him her cell number and he hers and then she shoves him off. He's perplexed, after all he was unable to get any info off her but she seemed totally into talking to him. Which also was strange because usually girls were a little weirded out by the fact that he was blind. (One of the many other reasons he hates walking with his stick) At this same time L has begun to move and zero in on Miss Amane as well. Only he has no evidence she has anything to do with anything so has people watching her. (Nother story idea is one is Raito's Dad who then confronts him about skipping school with his sister which then he admits he thinks Miss Amane has something to do with the killings and was going to talk to her. This makes Papa proud and scared because his children put themselves in danger but at the same time have come to the same deduction as the great detective L in the same amount of time. (Go team Yagami) This leads to the introduction to L) Misa eventually tracks Raito down and they "exchange notes" (although this is more for Misa's sake then Raitos since he can't see Rem anyway.) Raito explains that he is unable to use the notes and misa tells him what she's doing. Raito is at a crossroad. on one hand what Misa is doing is wrong, on the other hand do the ends justify the means, on the other other hand he's a little boy who misses spending time with his Daddy who's always busy because he has to keep the world safe and can't connect with his son due to Raito's blindness. Raito says her idea is noble and possibly just but she's going about it all the wrong way and she's going to get caught. He tells her to give her notebook to him (after all it's not like he can use it) and he'll hide it, getting pages to her when she needs them to kill someone. Thus they begin their relationship. Raito and Misa continue like this, Raito being the brain and Misa being the... uhh... Brawn. I guess L who totally suspects Misa would start to suspect Raito by association and bring them both in, albit Sochiro is going to argue for Raito because there's no way he can kill anyone. Raito and misa this time around have a better reason for knowing eachother (Misa met him at a shoot because his sister was a fan and she just liked him, Raito liked her voice and she didn't care he was blind.) There is no proof that they have anything to do with the killing (after all there is no proof anything other then God is responsible for these killings) they get put into confinement but Raito was prepared for this... I'm at a debate as to if Rem gives the book to Higuchi as agreed previously with Raito, or if Ryuk gives Sayu a book in exchange for Apples with Raito who follows a pre set schedule of exicution. Or if both situations happen simultaniously. From there I don't know where to go. Confinement and intallectual talks between L and Raito, L who realizes Raito is brilliant and interesting and definetly incapable of being Kira, but not incapable of being the strings that pull Kira who is definetly Misa. This falls into Love and Kink as this Raito is, while attractive, isn't popular with the ladies as regular Raito because women are put off a bit by disfigurement and weakness. Raito hates pity so any woman treying to pull a pity date on him or a "Well he's blind but maybe he's nice" kind of relationship he wouldn't want anything to do with them. This stories Raito is just as arrogent as the other Raito, he wants people to not see is fault, that if they se him as "The blind kid" even once they are targeted as intolerant trash. He feels that the mind is more important then anything else. He kind of likes Misa Misa because she is one of the first people who didn't care about his blindness, however, she does address it idiotically. He's Raito first, but still blind, which makes her more possesive. L on the other hand couldn't care less if Raito is blind because it's his mind that matters 100% which Raito even moreso appreciates. Plus since the mind is the most important thing to him and misa misa, while not a compleat idiot, isn't exactialy university calibur, L is just more compatable. Yaoi then ensues. |
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Tai PingBlind story bunny 2 Ryuk after a few weeks of finding Raito terribly amusing finally informs him about the Shinigami eyes. Raito would be able to see, acctually see with these eyes. This puts Raito at his first delema. For an exchange of half of his remaining life he could gain something that everyone else has, he could become perfect, he would no longer be this invalid but a brilliantly intellegent person who was compleatly independent. This isn't a decision that is made lightly after all, it is half his life. He talks about this with his family. (Heard about new research where his eyes could be replaced with cybernetic eyes however the procedure of having a trasplant could cut his life in half but he'd be able to see, his family debates this, quality of live vs. quantity, yadda yadda yadda.) Raito takes the exchange and gets the eyes. (I see this scean where Raito with newfound seeing ability looks at Ryuk and freaks out. What is this horrible creature before him. However, Ryuk is holding a Mirror, Raito is seeing himself for the first time.) Raito goes out and begins to experiance things for the first time with his ability to see. He's giddy and weird and just likes to look at things, everything. He tells his family he just woke up with the ability to see. He goes to a docter and has 20/20 vision and they just can't explain it. Praise be to Jebus! Miricals. Raito starts getting into things he's never been into before, Photography, drawing, art. For the first time he can ride a bike, play catch and consider driving a car. He gets into Tennis, he loves the colour of Tennis balls. That yellow green just seems so attractive to his eye and he get's pretty good at it over the summer. He takes his College enterance exam but he's taking a first year of general studies. He wanted to become a lawyer but now he doesn't know. He can see so maybe he'll get into liturature (seeing things for the first time has given him an interesting way of looking at things) language (since he's always been good at it) Music (since he's got a insainly good ear) or follow in his dads footsteps and become a detective. He's not sure and want's to see everything. He has a little difficulty since he can't read very well and teachers comment it looks like he's sleeping in class when he writes notes. (It distracts him to look at what he's writing.) However a month after he's into school there is rumour of this "Kira" on the internet (his secondary newfound passion along with TV and Video Games) Raito still hasn't touched his Death Note in the way that kills people yet Ryuk is amused enough (Raitos flair for life with his sight interests Ryuk since Raito lets him taste everything his passion has become for Food in general, not just apples. Although Apples are at the top of the list) Raito doesn't think much of it. Until he sees Misa on TV. And sees she has no numbers for life. He knows she has a Note like him. He's not sure what to do about that, he asks Ryuk how many there are in the world, who honestly cant say. It's rare for shinigami to drop their books but it's not like it's never happened before. Raito draws the connection between Kira and Misa and tracks her down. He throws a peice of his note at her at an outdoor shooting so she turns and sees Ryuk. Her fans are about to tear him apart (for throwing stuff at her) but she pulls him out saying he's a dear friend who was just trying to get her attention. He tries to get her to stop what she's doing, but she's already justified in her actions. He understands her feelings but feels that she's going to far, that some people she's punishing are undeserving of it (people that commit adultry, people accused of bullying along with the real bad ones like killers) He also mentions that she's going to get caught at the rate she's going at, it won't be long before someone takes notice. She agrees to stop for now because she thinks Raito is cute, plus he has the Shinigami eyes. She didn't get them because she wants to live as long as possible to become the goddess of peace in the new world. And Raito seems perfect as her God of Justice At this point is where my ideas pitter off and I'm not sure where to go with it. So which one do you guys think is better, and how should I tie them off for an ending? |
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daydream14Um... well I like your 1st plot bunny (with the alternate ending that Light and Sayu meet L first instead of Misa thanks to Sochiro Yagami) I would've chosen the 2nd plot bunny (Misa and Raito seem really really cool) if there had been a mention of L and a possiblity of an L x Raito relationship. Other than that, it's great!!!! I love the 1st one. Too bad you can't right both eh? Ryuk? He's awesome XD |
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Synonymous BrianThe first one! ^^ For the yaoiness of course XD |
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Tai PingWell I've been mulling over #2 and generally, I think... Raito might not want to have much to do with Misa. Semi agreeing with her he might try to protect her from her own stupidity. Take her book and make her targets for her. (Be her Justice essentially while she's the bringer of Peace) But down in his core he still thinks that it's wrong. Remember in this DN world Raito has the daily challenge of not being able to see. So he's a little bored on an intallectual level but life hasn't been handed to him on a silver platter, things are hard for him, and he's trying to be as normal as he can. Just getting eyes is 10x the equivilent of having the death note. L of course would come in eventually, Raito would connect with him more because he's coming down form his "I CAN SEE" high and realizing that people are stupid. L would probably connect Raito's seeing to the Death Note (Mirical Vision and Magical Deaths? hmmmm) I'm debating in this case Raito lying about being able to see to his family just because he doesn't want to be tested over it.... I dunno Ideas Ideas! |
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NilahxapielI'm a fan of #2, because I love the idea of a blind person trading the for the eyes to get their eyesite back. And the first one, while I like it as well with Sayu and all, it would seem that Ryuk would tell him about the deal... So the yes, I love the second one, Raito being all high on sight *snigger* and getting into all the things he wouldn't have been into...I really, really like the idea of him lying about being able to see. It makes a lot of sense, because he has to lie to his family either way, and he'll probably move out soon anyway...so it's cool, and then has something else to figure out about him. "So tell me, why are you lying about being blind?" Or something of the like. Also, even if he connected Raito to the Death Note, he 's not really done anything wrong, so there's not a huge 'I want you dead' thing between them. oO Nilah |
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Neverending OdysseyI agree with Nilahxapiel. Although the first one when I initially read it seemed more structured, I think the second has much more potential. For the first one, the major problem lies with how sketchy his and Misa's relationship seems. Yes, they do have a better excuse but the way Misa dismissed him so quickly (even though she said she would see him lateR) would rub him wrong. And then, he would have to reveal a weakness: that he is unable to use the Death Note. Not something he would appreciate. That is not to mention the fact that Misa will eventually have to tell him about how she knew he was a Death Note owner. Of course, she can lie and say that it was a power that was simply tied to owning a Death Note - and he's blind and too bad! - but it is very doubtful it would ever happen. And then, there is the far too complex issue about the confinement and Death Note transfer. Although Raito may agree with Misa here, since he isn't the one who first put it into motion, since it isn't exactly his world and he is not the Primary God to it, he wouldn't exactly put as much trouble into it. In fact, saving Misa may be more trouble than it is actually worth and he would not have Rem to pressure him into saving her. He may not be able to use the Death Note, but he could always find a new replacement (and throw Misa away even though she 'loved' him). The second one's major weakness is in how he would like to his family about regaining his vision. They themselves have probably exhausted all possibilities and if he does mention a new research, they would like to know about it and approve it first. They would even accompany him to his 'operation'. Thus, that part doesn't work and I totally agree that he should keep it a secret (and when he meets L, his seeming to being able to see would definitely make him suspicious). And the Misa issue, that he does not agree with her, definitely establishes a better initial relationship between him and L. SO that is another bonus! This option also opens up the possibility of an entire set of plots. (now here, you can just ignore me because I am going to start ranting about stuff you probably won't want to make use... but that is still interesting - at least in my opinion) For example, it is certain that eventually, Raito would love to reveal his recovered eyesight to his family one day. He would not want to continue on in this charade forever. So, what better way is there but to distance himself from them and come back - miraculously recovered. The best option then is for him to go to the States, saying that they had the best universities that also curtail to the blinds there. And then, in that year away, he could say that he found a new research and not wanting to worry them, underwent it himself). And being in the States, this opens an entirely new can of worms, like the FBI (who may be interested in recruiting him), the mafia (hey! They're in the States) and even B (who may somehow excape from jail). Who knows? And he can always glimpse at Misa on tv there and hurry back to Japan and meet L, if you don't want him to stay in America. So yeah... |
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daydream14Yeah actually, after reading Neverending Obyssey's response, I agree with everything Neverending Odyssey said. It would be better to stick with the 2nd plot bunny if you fixed the quirks the way Neverending Odyssey suggested :) |
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Bloodshot EyesThis is a very minor plot point, but Light would actually have much better eyesight than the average human with the Shinigami eyes. The rules state that humans would have better than 3.6 vision, so I Wiki'd "visual acuity" and actually used wretched algebra to find out that Light would have better than 20/5 vision, which translates to "He can see at 20 feet what the average human can at 5 feet". Hawks have 20/2 vision, if that helps. | #10 May 03rd 2008, 2:43am | |
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Tai PingWow, I totaly didn't realize the shinigami eyes kick that much ass. hmmm.... *Starts to reformulate notes* Thanks! | #11 May 03rd 2008, 11:35am | |
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AngelesI think you could do the first one without Ryuk witholding about the eye trade. If you think of the eyes improving your sight by some number, x. If you have 20/20 vision, it goes to 3.5 as described in the book, but if you are blind, then it's like multiplying by zero, you still are at zero no matter what x is. it only improves sight, adds to it, but doesn't give you what you don't have. If you make this the reality of the first idea, then the plot hole is covered. Just an idea. | #12 May 07th 2008, 7:47pm | |
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Neverending OdysseyHmmm... Well, if you want to go with the companion book, here's what it says: Those with Shinigami Eyes will have eyesight of over 3.6 in the human measurement, regardless of their original eyesight. So it really depends on how much you want to follow the rules established by canon (though I really prefer the second one... *hint, hint*) | #13 May 07th 2008, 8:03pm | |
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Amorpheous--eats green apple-- Yes. I'm really eating an apple right now. I used it for a photo of an apple, pen and my cousin's "Death Note" though. Anyhows, I like both of them. There are quite a few flaws that would make characters OOC in the first one and then there are flaws in the second one. I'd think that the flaws in the second one would be easier to fix. I do like both of them though. The plot bunny reminds me of one of my current pet projects "Crawling in the Dark" which is about Raito being blind as well, but he becomes blind after becoming Kira. Heh heh. Enough about me though. The second plot seems more complete and it fits Light's character more, in my opinion, but that's just me. Write the one you want to write. I'll be reading it. ~ Amorpheous | #14 May 08th 2008, 11:10pm | |
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AngelesAh, that's a point for getting the companion book. I have to agree that the second plot is more complete, I just am attached to the idea of Raito staying blind for some reason, not sure why. Of course, it's your story, so do what you want. | #15 May 10th 2008, 8:19pm | |
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NilahxapielYeah, that's what I didn't like about the first one. Raito protecting Misa would be an invalidation of justice, especially when he doesn't even know her. (shrug) Love the second one to peices, of course. :P Oh wow - 'Crawling In The Dark' sounds reeeeaally intheresting. O O I want to read that when you post it! :D To Everyone: I'll write more here later, I just wanted to tell those of you that don't know, that I am indefinitely GROUNDED. I'm sneaking on line right this moment, stealing little bits of time for it...I even had my laptop taken away, so I'm writing stuff down in a notebook! TT TT Yeah, I don't mean to be all 'woe is me' but...it sucks. (pout)This is why my updates so soooo late. :( Talk to you guys later, and hopefully I'll be able to update soon! Nilah | #16 May 10th 2008, 9:11pm | |
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Great Aunt FlorenceWow, this story sounds really interesting. (I'm loving the blind Raito idea.) I agree with most everyone else about the second plot idea. It appears to have a lot of potential, and I read what you already posted of the story. From what I can see, your writing is good. And it will get better as you write more (which I personally love). The idea of getting the Shinigami eyes is pure win. Seriously. (And I also didn't know that the Shinigami eyes were that awesome. I'd totally give half of my remaining life span to Ryuk...just to have awesome eye sight. That's super-hero shit, right there.) I'm actually toying with an idea where Raito is deaf after being exposed to an explosion that shatters both of his ear drums. Of course, this would be a key point in the story, but it's not totally ruled by it, I guess. It would be AU as well, and I'm not sure if I would add the Death Notes. But I might. (It would also be very yaoi...because I'm a pervert?) Good luck on your story! And I most definitely want to read it. Great Aunt Florence. | #17 May 12th 2008, 4:14pm | |
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Tai PingOkay I know it's been a while, I don't have as much time to write now since most of my time is spent marking essays. (I is are teacher. Scary huh? CURRUPTINZ UR CHILLINS!!) But I'm on here looking at what people think. To NeverendingOddesy: I like your suggestions, and I think the final sayso is to go with #2 HOWEVER SINCE THIS IS A BUNNY EXCHANGE If anyone wants to use my first chapter as a jump point and MAKE a mirror story with plot #1 PLEASE DO!! And I will be more than happy to help you if en you want. I like the concept of him keeping it hidden, I like the idea of going to the States (which especially works since Japan is not very compensating to those with disabilities) (The yellow lines they have for the blind and braille in the weirdest places are nice but job wise? Education wise? Tuck them in a corner and give them a disability check that barely covers the rent is what Japan tends to do.) I want to work Sayu into it a bit more just because SINCE Light is blind I think she would have been pressured by her parents to become his eyes (Much like little house on the prairies) Light probably has a very close relationship with his Mother and sister because they have assisted him for so long, however I think because they want him to be independent they hopefully will have avoided that resentment that comes with having a child with special needs or being the child with special needs. However I think Lights relationship with his Father would be quite strained as Light is the only boy and being blind his father is left with a "Broken child" I think Light will either resent his father or secretly year to be the strong son his dad always wanted, with his father feeling the same way (either secret resentment or a want to reconcile but not knowing how) I WANT to put B in. But other then reading Nil's story with him I have NO IDEA who he is. Or why he's in Jail, or anything about him really. But anyway since you guys are all so paitently waiting for me to make more I'll give you a teaser. *** Raito waled down the stairs, his eyes following his hands, seeing for the first time what he already knew so well. It was one of the most difficult things in his life not to start to giggle historically being able to see everything. That and suppressing the urge to lick things. The glean of the banister made him want to taste it, to experience all 5 senses on everything he laid eyes on. To fully know the shiny color. "Raito are you okay?" His mother said noticing how her son had stopped on the stairs and was staring intently at the banister. Raito closed his eyes and turned his head in his mother direction, shutting off his new sense so as not to make her suspicious. "I'm fine Mom, just thinking." He heard his mothers hair rustle against her neck gently as it always did when she was a bit worried about him but didn't want to say anything. "Mom..." Raito called out hesitantly as he heard her turn back to the kitchen. "Hmm?" "Can I... Can I see you?"He said, turning his head to the ground. "I've kind of forgotten what you look like" He continued hurriedly when he heard her breath in a little strangely. "Of course dear," She replied coming closer to him so his hands could gently touch her face. "You havn't done this since you were 10" Raito didn't say anything as he traced over her face with his hands, 'looking' at her in the light of his minds eye. Opening his new eyes he saw for the first time the face that he already knew so well. Soft cheeks with small smile lines around the mouth, her eyes small and perfectly balanced above her small round nose. Raito noticed that she painted her eyebrows on darker and gently touched the makeup. Wide smooth brow and thin smiling lips. Raito felt tears pricking at his eyes. "I forgot.." He said gently holding his mothers face in his hands. "I forgot how beautiful you were." His mother blushed and Raito could feel the heat on his hand and see the color on her cheeks. "Oh you!" she said placing her hand over her sons. "Ever the charmer." Raito released her and she gave him a hug, tucking perfectly under his chin making him feel protective of this woman who had been his shield for so long. "Want to help me make cookies?" She said sniffing and breaking away. "Yea Mom, I would." | #18 Jul 03rd 2008, 3:02am . Edited Jul 03rd 2008, 3:05am | |
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AmorpheousNow you make me wonder if you've been one of my teachers.... What grade do you teach? You're going to want to check your spelling. There were a few typos, but other than that. You've written blind-now-seeing Light quite well. Erm... It was odd, but fitting and realistic that Light wanted to lick things. Murrr. Light is so good with words. I may say more later, but tis time for breakfast. | #19 Jul 03rd 2008, 7:46am | |
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Tai PingHa ha ha no worries on being your teacher I teach english in Japan. I know my spelling is pretty harsh but thank got it's still better than someone that doesn't know english at all. (Or at least cant call me out on it HA HA!) | #20 Jul 06th 2008, 8:57am | |
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NilahxapielTai Ping, wow, you teach English in Japan? That's amazing! Somehow I just fangirl-ed over that, but oh well. I think that's awesome. *cough* Anyway. I love your exerpt. Very real, and sweet. And I agree with you fully about the relationship with his mother and sister, and especially with his dad. I don't think their relationship would have been hald as good if Raito wasn't perfectly perfect, since most of everything Soichiro says about him is about how he's good at everything. So great idea. Also, if you want to include BB in this, I'll be happy to PM you a recap of Death Note: Another Note, so that you better understand his character and get all those little facts down. :) And you can ask questions as you will. Good luck writing the story! ^_~ Nilah | #21 Jul 06th 2008, 11:31am | |
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Neverending OdysseyAmazing. It was really heart-wrenching. I can't wait to see all you come up with. *grin* And I totally agree with the type of relationship you believe he'll have with his family. It really makes sense, with how proud Soichiro is of Light's abilities in DN and such a blatant disability would make him slightly uncomfortable... maybe even distant. But of course, the women would be more empathic. Which is great for character development! Well, glad to see you're back and hope you had a great time teaching English in Japan! No wonder you knew so many details! | #22 Jul 06th 2008, 1:19pm | |
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Tai PingI'm not back from Japan yet. I'm still teaching here, not sure how long I'll be doing it for but for anyone with a College/University degree I reccomend it. It's loads of fun, Akiba needs more Gaijin Otaku, and it's easy as heck. Which maybe I shouldn't be advertising but everyone learns grammar and all that hard stuff in school but they still can't get that "Natural Feeling" from intrinsically knowing the language and that's what everyone is really going for. So with a grade five spelling ability and simply naturally knowing the language you can get by as a teacher her nearly anywhere. Of course some things here are a bit more difficult and I'd reccomend a year of intensive Japanese study before you hop on a plane just for sake of politeness and getting by a little easier. In either case anyone want to ask me anything for sake of authenticity please do. What's even funnier is that the company I used to work for has been featured in a few manga in the background pictures just because it was such a common company, before it went bankrupt. Now I'm getting harrassed | #23 Jul 08th 2008, 6:45am | |
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Bloodshot EyesWhere did you learn Japanese? Lecture- or immersion-style? I'd take it in college but the courses are paced way too slowly, so I want to see if anyone's gone to Middlebury, VT, for any of their immersion crash courses. | #24 Jul 08th 2008, 7:23am | |
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Tai Pingha ha ha... I didn't learn Japanese before I came and that's why I'm reccomending anyone who does come LEARN SOME!! While you can get by without any, or with your "piss poor pick it up as you go and use a guidbook" it's going to be easiest to make friends, get places and not get ass ended lost if you can speak even just a little. Even lecture style is okay because it gets down your grammar but that plus finding a japanese friend to practice on is probably THE best followed up by a month to a year of practical application IN Japan | #25 Jul 10th 2008, 4:46pm | |
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