About 145 of the fic's 150 reviews praised it highly, and those that didn't praise it criticized it lightly or leaned more towards a 'neutral' stance. Then, I saw Adun's review. Hearing my fic be called 'dumb', 'poorly thought', and 'smutish', among other things, in a page-long harsh criticism hurt more than I thought it could have. I don't deny the flaws he pointed out, either. I'm considering dropping the fic altogether. What do you think? Should I stop writing the fic? Should I stop writing completely?

Personally, you story is the best on the soul calibur forum and if you let one bad review stop you then i will be saddened so please continue writting. You will improve and all of the problems mentioned will go away. If you stop righting you'll never get better and thus you will only make adun more right. So please EvaXephon do not stop writing you story...please

Thank you,

~Breaeden Swordwind

This guy obviously doesn't know a good story if it bit his face off.Your characters are correct, Ivy's bitchy, Tira does whatever her master wants. perfect. And in the review.....Tira blah blah Nightmare...SO WHAT! its happened i can bloody play SC3 and know that BUT what would happen if she met Seigfried? that, one of my favauthors, is whenyou come in with 'i am your slave'. It's one of the best stories i have EVER read in the SC archive.

Your story is one ofthose i pray gets updated soon! so please, dont let that guys one bad review stop you, whats more important? letting one reviewer who doesnt like your story win? or letting down many more fans of the fic down by giving up? and believe me ....i know how you feel. With my shaman king fic but thats another story///i was gonna give up on it on chapter 4 but i didnt give up and 15 chappies and its still going!

so please continue?

*Hugs Exa*

its your choice in the end.

~chibi fire spirit~

Your fic did come across as 'smuty' ONLY if based on the first two chapters. Since it came early on, where the readers' opinions about the story are still being formed, it can easily come across as such.

In your summary, you asked explicitly for any comments and reviews. Adun's review was more of constructive criticism; the kind of review that allows you to improve, just like you wanted.

The review did not come across as a negative comment. Adun did not ask you to stop writing completely or to give up. His intention (I believe) is to help you by telling the areas you can improve in. The thing that puzzles me is that first you asked for comments, then you contemplated quitting once you got them. Knowing where you need to improve, all the more you should work harder and get those parts rectified.

SC is a fighting game, and if we as players were looking for clear characterisation and flawless storyline, we're looking in the wrong place. Tira's character is still relatively mysterious; you can take a few liberties with her character but do keep in mind her reactions and words in ToS. It can help you decide how/what she'll say, her thoughts etc and you can get a good idea on her character.

Alternatively, you can list the story as an 'Alternate Universe' (AU) fic. You can proceed to explore the 'what-if' premise without fear of canon-buffs like Adun coming down on you. You still need to watch out for complete OOC (out of character) though. Not saying that your portrayal of Tira is completely OOC... it's not as bad as some other writers' portrayal of other characters.

This story is, to you, a chance to adjust your style, etc. By all means, go ahead. Use his comments to improve; already it's rare a reader will spend time to give you his critique. So work on the areas he has commented on. After all, without people like him, you won't know where you need improvement.

Adun's review was peppered with far too much unnessecary harsh language and rudeness for me to be able to consider it 'constructive criticism'.

It came across as an insult or a condemnation rather than a review with the intention of helping. It was not constructive, it was destructive, as all it did was tear the fic down. It did not offer any insight, it only blasted away at flaws. It used language that was far, far more harsh than would ever be neccesary for reviewing anything. If you wanted to tell someone that they could improve in a way, would you harshly insult that aspect of them? I would hope not.

I asked for comments, not for my fic to be stoned to death. I welcome criticism as long as it isn't rude or maliciously harsh. I'm almost never one to let words on the Internet get under my skin, but Adun's review was obviously a different story, as I outlined above.

You might say that Adun was 'being honest' or 'telling the truth'. Just because someone is being honest or telling the truth does not excuse them from being rude, snide, or insulting in their speech. It is fine if you are honest or tell the truth, but if you state it in a blunt, tactless, and mean way, that does not make it any more truthful or helpful or prevent you from looking like an **.

You don't need to sugarcoat things; you don't need to try and be as polite and gentle as possible. But saying stuff like 'dumb', 'poorly thought', and 'smutish' is way out of line.

Making my fic seem like it was something he'd scrape off the bottom of his shoe is what made me feel that the fic wasn't worth writing anymore and that I should give up on it, not merely the fact that I recieved a comment.

More importantly, what do YOU think? If you think that Adun is being mean by flaming you, you can write him off as a tactless guy and ignore him. Continue writing by all means. There's a ton of writers who can't string porper sentences together, and you don't belong to that group. You still have the potential to improve, and stopping won't help.

Adun I think you are being a little to restrictive in how you view the characters, your taking one sentence toss away like "She had found someone else like herself." and strictly interpreting it to mean... psycopathic killers only. Technically, this is pretty much all the game says besides say that she was attracted to Nightmare after hearing about the massacres. It never really states why, its all conjectural and thus had she heard about Siegfried first its completely with in the realm of her character to look for him. Also, the main complaint with the review is that it merely bahes the problem while offering no solutions... thus it is not constructive... example you said and I'm paraphrasing 'The characters travel istantly' and thats all... it would be helpful to the writer if you tagged on something like. "What you could do is..." or "A solution to this would be..." if you provide potential solutions to the problem then is it constructive...

About the constructive criticism issues, I´ve talked personally with EvaXephon about them.

Being brutally honest is not a good trait. Being honest is good, but being honest in a harsh way is more likely to have negative effects than positive ones. You can get an idea across to someone just as well with polite language as you can with harsh language - better, even.

"What does being polite have to do with it?"

I was raised to be respectful to other people. To me, showing respect for someone means being honest with them and being polite to them. To me, honesty and politeness go hand in hand; one cannot be without the other. Thus, being honest in a harsh or rude way completely negates the effect of being honest, as the harshness or rudeness alters the message of the honesty and makes it harmful. The trait I value the most in both myself and in other people is trying never to hurt another person’s feelings. If someone doesn't care whether or not they're hurting another person's feelings, then they're the worst kind of person, and I want nothing to do with them.

You gave a very poor argument. "I can be an ** if what I'm saying is true." That's so completely bull-headed that I don't even know where to begin. First of all, if you're talking about consciously being an ** to other people, you're a very terrible person. Second of all, telling the truth does not give you a free ticket to act as you want. Telling the truth in a rude manner does not make it any more truthful. Telling the truth in a polite manner is much more likely to get others to lend you their ears and respect.

And, no, you don't have to sugarcoat things and talk like an angel just to be honest or tell the truth politely. In a short, concise sentence, you can criticize someone harmlessly, without making it seem as if you are stoning them to death and grinding their flaws beneath your foot.

It's more than just the message. If you deliver that message in a way the receiver finds unacceptable, then your message doesn't get through at all. And nothing will complicate a message more than rudeness.

I can take criticism very well. As I've said numerous times so far, words over the Internet rarely affect me. I would not be making a big deal out of this if I did not feel that you had SERIOUSLY crossed the line, and that's exactly how I feel.

I cannot consider the critiques you've written about my work to be constructive criticism. They were peppered with harsh words, things that sounded like insults, and simply did nothing but mashed the flaws of the fic into the ground mercilessly. That was not helpful, that did not assist me, the only message that got across to me was that you thought my fic was something you'd scrape off your shoe. If you truly seek to write an effective review than can help someone, I advise you completely revise the methods you're taking.

If your response is going to contain the ideas of "You can't take criticism", "Being brutally honest is a good thing", "I don't care if I look like an **", and/or "My review was constructive criticism", then you have completely missed the point, you are never going to understand, I want absolutely nothing further do to with you because you are the kind of human being I despise the most, and you should not waste keystrokes by attempting any further communication with me.

Good day.

Look, I´m going to explain it to you again, just because it´s you. The Style over Substance fallacy is based upon the sadly common belief that the manner in which one makes his argument somehow affects the truth of that argument. In all, I can resume all your defense of your argument in this:

"Your use of foul language and rude manners is all the indication I need of your personality type. I don't see how you can expect anyone to take any of your arguments seriously when you express them in such a way."

I hope that anybody else here can see what obviously wrong with that. Now, the big question is: Do I have a point? Is my argument wrong because of my possibly rude and confrontational manner? In a word, no. The use or disuse of "foul language" and "rude manners" has no bearing whatsoever on the validity of my argument.

Now, is it bad for me to be so confrontational? Maybe, and maybe not. I don´t know from where you come from, but I personally prefer a punch in the face than a hundred backhanded compliments. You think little of my character because I don't put on your airs, but that's not going to cause me to lose any sleep. I´m amused by this cowardly attempt to evade criticism.

To me it seems that this argument hinges on what is the proper level of respect one should have when review, Adun places himself with the fact that as long as it is the truth then he can be impolite (nothing wrong with that truth has its own value, it just requires that someone be apathetic enough to sift through the tone... which is asking a lot of an author since by nature they are not apathetic to what they write about... also, the inherent truth is slightly less valid on the basis that this is an opinion so there is no inherent truth there is only truth by perspective). Eva believes that if one is to criticize a work on must have tact and be polite... pick how much honesty you apply so that the honesty and criticism you place in it is accepted and thus the goals achieved (also a completly valid point of view though it by nature is at least a little masked even if it is mostly a subconscious bias... it also suffers from the fact that its loses poignacy, sometimes thick skinned people need the blunt truth to soften them up enough to listen)

Neither of you two holds a belief that is inherently fault both of you just can't seem to find common ground here... please if we can talk about this with out getting to stuck in we can work this out and Eva can have a review that he can use to improve his story and Adun can know that the truth of his words were heard... we just need to calm down about the different moral and etiquette grounds you are standing on... so please can we not have an fight here please... thanks

PLEASE READ THE ABOVE STATEMENT IT IS AN ATTEMPT BY A THIRD PARTY TO MEDIATE. I AM NOT CHOOSING SIDES IN THIS. SO PLEASE LISTEN TO WHAT I HAVE TO SAY. THAT IS ALL I CAN ASK OF YOU.

~Breaeden Swordwind

I don't feel that it is a matter of subtracting honesty. Honesty is one thing, but how you express that honesty is another thing. One can express their honest feelings in a tactless and blunt way, or one can express their honest feelings in a way that gets the message across clearly but does not do so in a needlessly rough way. One does not need to sugarcoat one's words or sound as angelic as possible; that would be going too far, and would be obscuring the message. One merely needs to subtract bluntness, brutality, impoliteness, rudeness, and other such things, and add in a pinch of tact to their words.

No, I don't agree. Even if reality is harsh, that doesn't mean it needs to be stated in a harsh way. A harsh reality can be stated without harsh language. This isn't meant in an insulting way, but you and Adun both misunderstand what I'm trying to say. If you don't get what I mean by now, I don't think either of you will understand what I'm trying to explain.

I don't think Adun and I need to have any further discussion about the story. We briefly discussed his remarks via e-mail almost a week ago (although even then I felt that his language was too harsh) and there is nothing more for me to discuss with him on that subject. Here I (originally) wanted to discuss whether or not the fic was worth continuing at all, because Adun's harsh remarks sure didn't make it seem that way. After that, Adun misread my intentions, and the topic spiraled downward into an arguement. I've dealt with people like him before, and I know from his last post that there is no use saying anything more to him. He'll probably misread this as well, and say that I'm 'being a coward and running away' or something along those lines, but I am not going to waste another second fretting over anything that he says.

This entire situation has been very unfortunate, and I'd like to move on now.

so yeah let it just drop.

but for me i am still a loyal reviewer of that fic so dont give it up!

In the words of Homer Simpson...

'When a fire starts to burn, there's a lesson you must learn.

Something, something, then you'll see, you'll avoid catastrophe!'

'D'oh!'

We are your fire extinguishers. /\_/\ Don't let it get you down.

And to Adun: If you reckon you can justify your actions, by all means prove me wrong and write a better story. You'll get your fair share of flames, trust me. *Evil plot ahead. 25km/h, stick to left*

Example: They said that Voldo can't talk and that he's blind, deaf and mute and also that he mercilessly kills whoever enters the money pit. What they missed was that Voldo wasn't actually talking. By my recolection he was still letting out hisses and grunts, it was just that Tira could sense his intentions and as she spoke to him had an idea of what he was trying to say.

They also mentioned that the story immediately went from Euridyce Shrine to the Proving Grounds and how that was unrealistic. What they missed was that you actually illustrated an incident that took place as they were travelling from point A to point B, indicating that it wasn't instantanious but that it had taken them some time to get there, of course common sense should have told Adun the same thing. You don't have to spell it out all the time, sometimes you have to leave it to the reader to read between the lines.

Then there was what they said about Tira. The fact is there really is no accurate way to portray her because so litle is actually know about her other than that she has alleged emotional problems and enjoys killing people. Adun said that you don't appear to pay attention to the character's background stories but they missed something themselves, in Tira's background it say's nothing about her wanting to be with someone who was "insane like her," in fact it said that she pursuid Nightmare so that she could serve Soul Edge, she found out that Nightmare was a puppet and she wanted to serve Soul Edge because there was the promise of being able to kill whoever she wanted.

"What If..." always opens the characters to change, that's just how it is...

EvaXephon: You shouldn't let what one person has to say make you doubt yourself, it's never good to do that. I f you stop writing I won't be mad at you, but I will be sorely disappointed in you.

Adun: You have nothing written so your opinions really don't mean **. If you're going to point out someone elses flaws than you'd better be able to write something better.

I live by many principles. One such principle is that if you speak you should be able to truly back-up what you say, otherwise just have a Coke and a smile and shut the ** up.

Gasp! Someone thought my opinion misguiding and misinformed! Let´s hope I don´t find 'noh-mask-of-oblivion's one pointless and moronic!

Example: They said that Voldo can't talk and that he's blind, deaf and mute and also that he mercilessly kills whoever enters the money pit. What they missed was that Voldo wasn't actually talking. By my recolection he was still letting out hisses and grunts, it was just that Tira could sense his intentions and as she spoke to him had an idea of what he was trying to say.

Hahaha, so you take Tira interpreted all that from hisses and grunts?

The sad thing is, Voldo was indeed _talking_ during that part. EvaXephon clearly admitted so via e-mail when I called him on that.

They also mentioned that the story immediately went from Euridyce Shrine to the Proving Grounds and how that was unrealistic. What they missed was that you actually illustrated an incident that took place as they were travelling from point A to point B, indicating that it wasn't instantanious but that it had taken them some time to get there, of course common sense should have told Adun the same thing.

And when did I ever say that, praytell? Common sense would tell not to put words in my mouth, specially if you´re trying to make a point.

Then there was what they said about Tira. The fact is there really is no accurate way to portray her because so litle is actually know about her other than that she has alleged emotional problems and enjoys killing people. Adun said that you don't appear to pay attention to the character's background stories but they missed something themselves, in Tira's background it say's nothing about her wanting to be with someone who was "insane like her," in fact it said that she pursuid Nightmare so that she could serve Soul Edge, she found out that Nightmare was a puppet and she wanted to serve Soul Edge because there was the promise of being able to kill whoever she wanted.

Common sense would tell you to actually read the character backstories before making such claims.

"What If..." always opens the characters to change, that's just how it is...

Indeed, just as EvaXephon made Voldo talk, Setsuka a **, Tira a slave... Take that as you will.

EvaXephon: You shouldn't let what one person has to say make you doubt yourself, it's never good to do that. I f you stop writing I won't be mad at you, but I will be sorely disappointed in you.

Oh, come on. I don´t think EvaXephon is going to stop writing his fic now. Perhaps you´ve should have brought this, I dunno, a year ago.

Adun: You have nothing written so your opinions really don't mean **. If you're going to point out someone elses flaws than you'd better be able to write something better.

Hahaha, that must be one of the most retarded things I´ve ever read. Seriously, are you twelve?

Gasp! Someone thought my opinion misguiding and misinformed! Let´s hope I don´t find 'noh-mask-of-oblivion's one pointless and moronic!

Example: They said that Voldo can't talk and that he's blind, deaf and mute and also that he mercilessly kills whoever enters the money pit. What they missed was that Voldo wasn't actually talking. By my recolection he was still letting out hisses and grunts, it was just that Tira could sense his intentions and as she spoke to him had an idea of what he was trying to say.

Hahaha, so you take Tira interpreted all that from hisses and grunts?

The sad thing is, Voldo was indeed _talking_ during that part. EvaXephon clearly admitted so via e-mail when I called him on that.

They also mentioned that the story immediately went from Euridyce Shrine to the Proving Grounds and how that was unrealistic. What they missed was that you actually illustrated an incident that took place as they were travelling from point A to point B, indicating that it wasn't instantanious but that it had taken them some time to get there, of course common sense should have told Adun the same thing.

And when did I ever say that, praytell? Common sense would tell not to put words in my mouth, specially if you´re trying to make a point.

Then there was what they said about Tira. The fact is there really is no accurate way to portray her because so litle is actually know about her other than that she has alleged emotional problems and enjoys killing people. Adun said that you don't appear to pay attention to the character's background stories but they missed something themselves, in Tira's background it say's nothing about her wanting to be with someone who was "insane like her," in fact it said that she pursuid Nightmare so that she could serve Soul Edge, she found out that Nightmare was a puppet and she wanted to serve Soul Edge because there was the promise of being able to kill whoever she wanted.

Common sense would tell you to actually read the character backstories before making such claims.

"What If..." always opens the characters to change, that's just how it is...

Indeed, just as EvaXephon made Voldo talk, Setsuka a **, Tira a slave... Take that as you will.

EvaXephon: You shouldn't let what one person has to say make you doubt yourself, it's never good to do that. I f you stop writing I won't be mad at you, but I will be sorely disappointed in you.

Oh, come on. I don´t think EvaXephon is going to stop writing his fic now. Perhaps you´ve should have brought this, I dunno, a year ago.

Adun: You have nothing written so your opinions really don't mean **. If you're going to point out someone elses flaws than you'd better be able to write something better.

Hahaha, that must be one of the most retarded things I´ve ever read. Seriously, are you twelve?

and i agree with noh-mask-of-oblivion - you think you can do better, adun? i doubt it. come on - prove me wrong!

noh-mask-of-oblivion's description of how Tira 'communicated' with Voldo was spot on. If I explained it to Adun any other way, I misworded myself and I take credit for causing confusion.

As for "If you haven't written anything then you can't critique a story", I don't entirely agree. By that logic, I can't complain about anything unless I've created a more superior version of it with my own hands. I think it's fine to critique something - I think that people should be able to state their opinions without being persecuted for their beliefs - but civility and discretion should restrain you from expressing yourself in offensive and unhelpful ways. Otherwise what you've got to say is just going to sound like noise.

Adun, if you know about my changes to Setsuka, then I'll presume that you've been keeping up with the story. If that's the case, why have you continued to read it / why have you not decided to stop? Do you believe my story has improved at all since your review, and if so, in what ways? I am really interested in hearing if you have anything positive you would like to say about the story.

I'll say this preemptively:

Call this juvenile if you will, but I've always found it difficult to hold someone's opinion in high regard if they are needlessly harsh and frequently uttering uncalled-for insults. In my mind, "Brutal honesty" just means "Lacking the mental capacity to speak with tact". Giving advice on how to improve a story is one thing; verbally stoning a story to death without saying anything constructive is another thing. If you'd like to share any of the former while restraining yourself from the latter, I'd like to hear it, Adun.

If you think I'm overly sensitive because I prefer polite and considerate speech as opposed to harsh and callous remarks, I find that inaccurate and silly.

To tell the truth, I'm decreasingly less proud of how chapters turn out, and I admit that there is somewhat of an awkwardness that I've yet to eliminate from my writing style. I don't see myself ceasing to write the story anytime soon, although I do feel like I'm in a quagmire from time to time. I'm all ears for any advice on how to improve things and get better.

also, make the next couple of chapters move on a little - poetic and artistic your story may be, but it is a story nonetheless, and as such there needs to be the right proportions of detail and speed (as in flow or the story).

BTW @adun: now that's how to review - constructive criticism.

I read Adun's review and it seems as though they are missing large portions of the story or simply do not understand certain parts of it. And some of what they said was simply misguided or misinformed.

Gasp! Someone thought my opinion misguiding and misinformed! Let´s hope I don´t find 'noh-mask-of-oblivion's one pointless and moronic!

Oh... wow. You actually started with an insult. Actually that was my attempt at entering the conversation without insulting you. Looking back I really don't know why I cared about your feelings... I don't usually care about ** (hey look... I can stoop to your level too!).

BTW: Why on Earth would you post your response to my comments twice? I guess you like to hear yourself talk, you must be a narsicist. That's the only thing that could explain that.

-Example: They said that Voldo can't talk and that he's blind, deaf and mute and also that he mercilessly kills whoever enters the money pit. What they missed was that Voldo wasn't actually talking. By my recolection he was still letting out hisses and grunts, it was just that Tira could sense his intentions and as she spoke to him had an idea of what he was trying to say.

Hahaha, so you take Tira interpreted all that from hisses and grunts?

The sad thing is, Voldo was indeed _talking_ during that part. EvaXephon clearly admitted so via e-mail when I called him on that.

Direct quote from story: "Since she was a young child, and being trained to become an assassin, she'd been taught to study her opponent's facial expressions and body movements to determine everything from their next move in combat, to their intentions, to their deepest emotions. This was not a supernatural power; the ability to read your opponent is something any warrior would value, and a skill that many seek to possess. Tira, however, was exceptional in that she had refined this skill to a level that few others have also reached, allowing her to read the thoughts and intentions of people very easily. However, it was not this ability alone which allowed Tira to understand him."

Like I said, you missed something. I don't think I need to say any more about that.

-They also mentioned that the story immediately went from Euridyce Shrine to the Proving Grounds and how that was unrealistic. What they missed was that you actually illustrated an incident that took place as they were travelling from point A to point B, indicating that it wasn't instantanious but that it had taken them some time to get there, of course common sense should have told Adun the same thing.

And when did I ever say that, praytell? Common sense would tell not to put words in my mouth, specially if you´re trying to make a point.

"In this chapter they went all the way from Athens to wherever the Proving grounds are supposed to be, almost just like that." But hey, maybe I misinterpreted that (I'm willing to give you that one).

BTW: The Proving Grounds are in Tibet.

-Then there was what they said about Tira. The fact is there really is no accurate way to portray her because so litle is actually know about her other than that she has alleged emotional problems and enjoys killing people. Adun said that you don't appear to pay attention to the character's background stories but they missed something themselves, in Tira's background it say's nothing about her wanting to be with someone who was "insane like her," in fact it said that she pursuid Nightmare so that she could serve Soul Edge, she found out that Nightmare was a puppet and she wanted to serve Soul Edge because there was the promise of being able to kill whoever she wanted.

Common sense would tell you to actually read the character backstories before making such claims.

Paraphrase of Tira bio: "One day she came to know the massacres caused by Nightmare. Her heart leapt at the thought of finding someone like herself. She tracked the Azure Knight and reached Ostrheinsburg, where she met a man carrying a scythe. The man revealed to her that what she sought was the wicked sword Soul Edge, and that Nightmare was just a puppet. Tira was somewhat disappointed for the revelation, but a short time later she heard rumors of the Azure Knight's reappearance. She followed the trail of slaughters and finally found Nightmare, the bringer of destruction and despair beyond her wildest dreams, finally finding someone to give herself entirely, she turned into the sword's faithful servant."

I'm willing to say that I wasn't entirely corect here either, but neither were you. "As it is, Tira is completely Out of Character. She originally looks for Nightmare because he´s a psychopath just like her, not because she has a need to serve someone." Tira wanted to find Nightmare because he enjoyed killing too. The insane never believe themselves to be insane.

-"What If..." always opens the characters to change, that's just how it is...

Indeed, just as EvaXephon made Voldo talk, Setsuka a **, Tira a slave... Take that as you will.

As I recall Setsuka never actually has sex in the story so calling her a ** is a bit harsh. Also, to me, Tira is not depicted as a slave (though the word is used constantly which, being an African-American, does indeed make me a bit uncomfortable) but as a person who, having recieved orders her entire life, has become institutionalized and cannot funtion properly without being told what to do... I shall indeed take everything else as I will.

-EvaXephon: You shouldn't let what one person has to say make you doubt yourself, it's never good to do that. I f you stop writing I won't be mad at you, but I will be sorely disappointed in you.

Oh, come on. I don´t think EvaXephon is going to stop writing his fic now. Perhaps you´ve should have brought this, I dunno, a year ago.

Actually when I realised that I had posted about two months late I had every intention of removing my post but unfortunately was sidetracked and never got around to it. I do find it sad that you're still posting here though... I made an error, you just have no life.

-Adun: You have nothing written so your opinions really don't mean **. If you're going to point out someone elses flaws than you'd better be able to write something better.

Hahaha, that must be one of the most retarded things I´ve ever read. Seriously, are you twelve?

Originally I was going to tell you to have a Coke and a smile and shut the ** up... I changed my mind.

Maybe saying to write something better was a little too much. I should have said write something period. You have absolutely nothing written, therefore you really have no right to point out the flaws in other peoples writing and if you do you should do it constructively instead of being a dick about it. You can make the argument that you're being blunt but that's not true. I'm a very blunt person myself. Bluntness requires tact and a careful choice of words to prevent misenterpretation, you have displayed neither of those.

Also I think it's ironic that you would call my age into question (19 by the way) considering that you opened your post with an insult that displayed your immaturity. You're probably not even an adult. That fact that you're still responding to this thread tells me that not only are you immature but that you're soft and can't take criticism yourself. You can dish it out but you can't stomach your own medicine.

Grow up little boy/girl/hermaphrodite/asexual being.

I personally don't want to continue this argument. I'd rather we both simply drop our guns turn around and go our seperate ways. I've always felt life was too short for grudges. I never want to do or say anything that could reflect upon me poorly, but I have no problem with stooping to your level. If you so choose to continue to run your mouth just because you know that I don't actually know who you are, I'm 100 percent willing to do the same.

Respond or don't... I really don't care anymore. You're far, far... far off of my radar.

-Actually, I would have liked there to be a bit less sex, the tension is fine but the blatant sex is a bit much. It's never a good sign when you get a semi as you read/write.

-It seemed as though the last two chapters should have been one chapter by itself. It wasn't necessary to post them seperately.

-There are a lot of characters to focus on in your story (Sieg, Tira, Ivy, Sophie, Cass, Setsuka and now Taki). That being said I think you should develope all of their interpersonal relationships rather than focussing solely on their relationships with Siegfried. Maybe now that Taki has been introduced to the story you should focus a bit more on Sophitia and Ivy (because of their pre-existing relationships with her) than on the other characters.

When you're in a quagmire take a break for a few days. It's as simple as that.

Gasp! Mr. Oblivion is getting serious now!

BTW: Why on Earth would you post your response to my comments twice? I guess you like to hear yourself talk, you must be a narsicist. That's the only thing that could explain that.

Though I´ll admit loving the sound of my very voice, I´ll have to blame that on the lovely interface of these forums. I´d take the second post down if I could.

Direct quote from story: "Since she was a young child, and being trained to become an assassin, she'd been taught to study her opponent's facial expressions and body movements to determine everything from their next move in combat, to their intentions, to their deepest emotions. This was not a supernatural power; the ability to read your opponent is something any warrior would value, and a skill that many seek to possess. Tira, however, was exceptional in that she had refined this skill to a level that few others have also reached, allowing her to read the thoughts and intentions of people very easily. However, it was not this ability alone which allowed Tira to understand him."

Like I said, you missed something. I don't think I need to say any more about that.

Despite EvaXephon´s oportune backtracking, I still find it lovely that you take Tira could carry out a fleshed-out conversation with Voldo based on his grunts, hisses _and_ body movements. I thought that was a pretty contrived and unnecessary move myself, but I´m sure the author will be delighted to know that he has someone that appreciates when he doesn´t make any sense.

"In this chapter they went all the way from Athens to wherever the Proving grounds are supposed to be, almost just like that." But hey, maybe I misinterpreted that (I'm willing to give you that one).

Why, thank you. It´s good to know that you can tell the difference between almost and immediate.

I'm willing to say that I wasn't entirely corect here either, but neither were you. "As it is, Tira is completely Out of Character. She originally looks for Nightmare because he´s a psychopath just like her, not because she has a need to serve someone." Tira wanted to find Nightmare because he enjoyed killing too. The insane never believe themselves to be insane.

Are you always this dense, Mr. Oblivion? Perhaps you should posted the parts of her bio that stated that she gets off from killing and that she knows she unable to function in normal society. It makes sense that she would seek the company (or not) of another monster like her. The bios makes pretty clear that´s she batshit insane. I really don´t understand the disagreement here.

As I recall Setsuka never actually has sex in the story so calling her a ** is a bit harsh.

Perhaps you missed the part on the newer chapters, where she was depicted as working as a ** in a classy **-house, or something to that effect.

Also, to me, Tira is not depicted as a slave (though the word is used constantly which, being an African-American, does indeed make me a bit uncomfortable) but as a person who, having recieved orders her entire life, has become institutionalized and cannot funtion properly without being told what to do... I shall indeed take everything else as I will.

If Tira´s masochist slave vibes in EvaXephon´s story don´t bother you, good for you. They irk me because they´re not true to the character at all. In serious fiction, I like the characters to be in character. You apparently don´t.

Actually when I realised that I had posted about two months late I had every intention of removing my post but unfortunately was sidetracked and never got around to it. I do find it sad that you're still posting here though... I made an error, you just have no life.

Please, lets be objective here. You got _sooo_ angry about what I said to EvaXephon a whole year ago that you just had to write a review of a lovely review I gave to a rather lovely fic. Why would a sane man ever waste energy and time defending something like that? I´m pretty sure that EvaXephon doesn´t have a ** and can stand up for himself. Adding that you didn´t notice the time of the first post just takes the cake, Mr. Oblivion. Replying to dead threads in dead forums is a no-no. I´m afraid I´ll have to take you as a loving moron.

EvaXephon, despite our differences and whatever harsh words we shared in the past, if there´s one thing I admire is power, and you do have it. You have a fanboy! Your very own Internet White Knight! You have someone that got so irrationally mad about something I said to you that he just _had_ to come in your defense and let me know!

Ride, Mr. Oblivion, ride! Somewhere in the internet someone might be sullying EvaXephon´s honor at this very moment! This cannot and will not be allowed to happen!

...Maybe saying to write something better was a little too much. I should have said write something period. You have absolutely nothing written, therefore you really have no right to point out the flaws in other peoples writing and if you do you should do it constructively instead of being a dick about it.

Mr. Oblivion is an alien. He comes from a distant world where´s he unable to express his opinions unless some conditions are met. He feels that in order to express an opinion there must be some kind of equal footing. He has nothing to say about movies, since he´s no director. Nothing to say about bands, because he´s no musician. Let´s all shed a tear for Mr. Oblivion.

About me being a dick sometimes, if that were the case, deal with it. Christ.

You can make the argument that you're being blunt but that's not true. I'm a very blunt person myself. Bluntness requires tact and a careful choice of words to prevent misenterpretation, you have displayed neither of those.

Now, now, Mr. Oblivion. It´s too late to try to look smart. Try looking up 'bluntness' in a dictionary sometime.

Also I think it's ironic that you would call my age into question (19 by the way) considering that you opened your post with an insult that displayed your immaturity.

I was just trying to reflect the pointlessness and idiocy of your whole post. I tend to get carried away, so please let me know if I´m being too condescending or belittling with you.

That fact that you're still responding to this thread tells me that not only are you immature but that you're soft and can't take criticism yourself. You can dish it out but you can't stomach your own medicine.

Why, Mr. Oblivion, that´s character assassination! I thought you wanted to discuss this as adults, so there´s no need to resort to such logical fallacies. And if you must know, I just got wind of these accusations when I received your lovely post in my inbox, and even then, I´m just defending myself.

Grow up little boy/girl/hermaphrodite/asexual being.

Come on, now we´re just being silly.

WAH WAH I HAD ENOUGH OF THIS I´M A MATURE PERSON I´M NOT REPLYING ANYMORE

That´s a lovely escape route you have there, I must say. Well, if we must part here, I´ll tell you went down like the best.

Ride, Mr. Oblivion, until nightfall! Ride! Ever vigilant!

I want to set the record straight on one thing. As you can see from my description ("An alternate version of the events of SCIII with twists to the story and characters."), I never intended to stay 100% true to the personalities and backstories that were established in the games. It's a "What if?" story with sometimes radical changes to the characters.

For example...In SC3, Tira is delighted to learn of Nightmare, seeing him as similar to herself, and becomes his devoted "slave". However, I personally thought that Siegfried held more similarities to Tira. The series begins on that "What if?" - what if Tira never heard of Nightmare, and instead heard of Siegfried? Would she see the similarities I saw, and want to be his slave? After ruminating over the concept of slavery, I began to consider what a man would do with his very own faithfully devoted slave. You know the rest.

I changed and tweaked characters and their backstories to make them more interesting than they were before, or to remove obstacles if neccesary. If you find it amateurish of me to simply ignore or write over facets of a character's past and personality that I find inconvenient...well, I don't blame you. I do think I'm showing improvement, at least.

In any event, I hope that there isn't more fighting in this topic. I DO think it's mature to simply not respond to something unworthy of being dignified with a reply, and I hope that's the road noh takes.

ok, maybe i shouldn't reason with you.

@EvaXephon: just remove the thread then.

Like I said before, I made a mistake in posting (I actually only respond to the post at the top of the page) and had every intention of removing it but got sidetracked (personal business). Two days later I logged on and, lo and behold, there was your response. I kind of chuckled a bit. I really didn’t expect you (or anyone) to respond to it. It was about two months late and anyway it was (mostly) opinion. The first response you sent to me had insults but they were few and far between. They didn’t bother (that much) but I did find it unnecessary… like you were attempting to make an example out of me or something.

My response to your response was me defending myself. I did admit that you were right at one point (which received a snide remark), I basically agreed to disagree at another point (you and I have different definitions of crazy and slutty, sue me), and flat out disagreed everywhere else. I even admitted to being late to post. I think I only gave it about a three percent chance that you would respond. You did. Why? Why respond when I actually admitted to being late to post, you don’t find it to be beneath you to do such a thing? The response was laced with insults… I admit to believing you to be immature, but I would have thought you were better than that.

Don’t get it wrong, I wasn’t mad. In fact some of it was pretty funny (not to offend EvaXephon but I thought you mentioning his “**” was pretty funny… I cackled, not laughed, cackled). I thought calling me “Mr. Oblivion” was a pretty smart insult (clearly a result of my dislike of being called a child). But the rest was just noise.

Saying that I’m a moron for not noticing the date on the thread is actually pretty hypocritiacal of you. I did do something stupid, no denying that, but can you honestly say you’ve never done anything stupid yourself? Something that may have gotten you into a bad situation that you yourself had some trouble getting out of (I am pretty prone to getting into those situations, but that’s neither here nor there)? If you can say that you haven’t I’m afraid I’d have to call you a liar.

You said that it irked you that the characters were written out of character… so the ** what? In case you didn’t realize it this website is called “Fanfiction,net.” Fan fiction is actually in the title. It’s stupid for you to be upset about them being written out of character because they aren’t his characters and anyway how many writers on this website are 100 percent true to the characters they write? If you can find one, by all means, let me know. The only way to be 100 percent true to a character is if they are your own character. Anytime you write someone elses they are usually interpreted the way you see them. I made mention of you not having anything written (I suppose that was out of line), but if you did how would you stay 100 percent true to the characters? After all, by your logic, you wouldn’t be able to take any liberties with them. I don't say that to attempt to get you to come around to my way of thinking, I know you won't and I know you'll simply dismiss my opinion as "moronic" or "retarded." I'd simply like for you to give that some thought.

The only thing that actually bugged me was being called a “White Knight.” When did I ever say that I was defending EvaXephon? (Again, no offense to E.X., but) I couldn’t have given a two squirts of ** about the guy, you insulted me I defended myself, simple as that.

I never actually said that I was completely backing out. If I gave that impression, let me clear it up for you: I don’t want to keep going back and forth with you because I have better things to do with my time. However, if you really want to keep this argument going, I’ll do the same.

BTW: I don't care about honor, to be honest I fight dirty as **.

It’s funny that you seem to think of yourself as being smarter than the rest of us but you're really nothing but a joke. Yet another internet tough guy who can talk ** when they have anonymity but not in real life when there is no anonymity and the ever present threat of physical violence (and don’t think I’m some mindless jock who loves to pick fights, I received more than my share of **-whippings because of a smart mouth). You go ahead and argue in hiding, I’ll do it in real life with real people where it’ll escalate into more than a shouting match. Until you can do the same then... well... have a Coke and a smile and... (laughs) I'm pretty sure you know where that's going.

Get over yourself buddy. If you feel the need to respond to this then PM me, let’s let this thread die peacefully.

BTW: I'm still laughing.

Adun, if you don't like it, just stay quiet. I don't know what else to say here. If you say "Get a life!" well get one yourself. I wonder how much time you have to be making "intelegent" arguements over the internet. Make a story to rival the one you're trashing, or shut the hell up. It's that smiple.

Yeah, I Am Your Slave is such a bloody awesome story so congrats on it - you should be proud of achieving such a high quality story xD It's one of the best stories on this site for God's sake lol.

Heck no. It's probably my favorite fic in the SC section on this site. ...actually I spent the last 10 minutes looking for it, unable to remember the title... finally giving up and coming to this forum to ask if anybody could point it out. Only to find this title... in horror. Ignore that one review. I know the type of guy he is. He's one of those "critics" who really just exists to troll and deeply insult fics.

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