Q: Yuki has brought Tohma into Shuichi's personal trauma like this. Why? Points to think about:

1) He should never have been present when the doctor was examining Shuuichi.

2) That Yuki would even SUGGEST having Tohma put that cream on Shuichi knowing what the young man had just gone through is sickening

SHINCHANSGIRL: I agree with you that, from Shuichi's point of view, this is along the lines of cruel and unusual punishment - he's already *said* that he doesn't want the doctor down there, what would make Tohma any different? I believe Tohma to be considerate enough to respect Shuichi's fears - which is why he *doesn't* apply the ointment when Shuichi and him are left alone. I do, however, see Tohma as being very nosy and pushy when it comes to Yuki, and, in that sense, he would force his way in anyway - he (in my mind) gave Yuki a decent-sized scolding when Yuki tried to keep him from the exam, I just didn't show that part, instead choosing to focus on the exam itself.

Moving on to Yuki's side of this. I'm sorry, but I see Yuki as an inconsiderate bastard. He doesn't mean to be - he just doesn't know how else to act (in my mind). He couldn't stand to put the cream on himself, so he asked someone he trusted to do it for him. He was having difficulty dealing with the rape to start with, so when Tohma pushed to be in there with him, he didn't fight to hard. He realizes that there are mental factors to deal with - and he WANTS Shuichi to deal with them - but the physical factors are coming first because that's something that Yuki knows how to deal with, instead of something he knows he should deal with, but doesn't know how.

Q: That Yuki agreed to look at the pictures of Shuichi's rape with Tohma is horrifying. Yuki shouldn't

be looking at them without Shuichi's consent and Tohma has ABSOLUTELY NO BUSINESS seeing them at all. The level of disrespect and inconsideration being shown here is unbelievable.

SHINCHANSGIRL: The pictures. Yes, it is horrifying. They should be destroyed, burned, and forgotten. Yuki, though, is still trying to understand what happened - so he can deal with all those mental and physical problems. Therefore, he is once again being an inconsiderate bastard and getting them developed. As for Tohma seeing them - it was either have Tohma see them with him, or have Tohma view them before he did and pull out the worst so that he wouldn't see it. Because Tohma really cares for Yuki like that, and tries to save him from pain/hurt. Yuki probably could have tried to argue more, but it had been the end of a long day, and he wasn't really ready to put up a solid arguement.

Q: Why do you refer to the characters as "boys". Yuki: "I don't date boys." They are not boys, they are grown MEN, Tohma's even in his 30's.

SHINCHANSGIRL: It was not meant to differenciate between ages. In my mind, it's more natural to say "I don't date boys" than "I don't date males" or "I don't date men." To me, "boy" is simply a male peer, usually but not always younger. I know this isn't the normal view, and I hadn't taken that into consideration when I typed this. It isn't beta'd - not even second read. That's the way funk fics work. If you something - even something as simply as a typo, feel free to point it out. I will be forever grateful if you do.

Q; Why are both Yuki and Tohma being so unfair and disrespectful to Shuichi?

SHINCHANSGIRL: Yes, Yuki and Tohma are both being unfair to Shuichi. They aren't really seeing Shuichi as a person anymore - and that needs to be fixed. Unfortunately, that's how I see them both behaving in the manga, and why I think they act the way they do. I do want to give them both a swift kick in the rear and tell them to get their heads out of their asses, but that will only come with time (and maybe the apperance of other characters - there are more than three characters to the series, after all!).

IN GENERAL:

I won't ask snyone to continue reading this story if they hate it, or disagree with me, but I will say that I do have plans to make the situation better. There's going to be a lot of hurt before that, though, and misunderstanding. To me, this is real. Real people are selfish, and, when in a situation like this one, don't always think things through clearly. If there are any other Questions/Concerns - feel free to ask.

Happy Reading,

shinchansgirl

Q: Why is this fic so jarring/depressing/unfair-to-Shuichi?

SHINCHANSGIRL: I'm trying to keep this fic as "real" as possible, not cause problems. I'm not one to pull punches when I think that's how a character would behave. I will admit that this is not one of my favorite fics in the funk, and after all of the issues I'm considering cutting it exclusively to LJ, as with the rest of the new fics.

The fact that this fic is jarring and completely unfair to one of the characters is meant to be a reflection of life. No rape - ** or otherwise - is fair, and any action taken afterwards is going to seem unfair to the victim. Each situation is unique, and I'm sorry if you disagree with the way I've handled things. I do realize now, however, that some things could have been better explained.

Q: Why is Yuki letting Tohma see the pictures?

SHINCHANSGIRL: There is going to be a lot of hurt and misunderstanding happening in this fic, let me say that first. Yuki just isn't thinking about Shu-chan when he's thinking about the pictures. It's...sort of like it's happening to someone else, and so it doesn't matteer as much.

Yuki is being an inconsiderate bastard, but (I think) that's just the way he is. There is a certain way that I'm going to deal with the pictures, which is going to be both painful and, I hope, ease some of the concern over Tohma seeing them. If I even let Tohma see them.

Q: Why is Tohma there to begin with?

SHINCHANSGIRL: Tohma, I think, is more considerate than Yuki, which is why he didn't follow through with Eiri's command to put on the cream when Shu-chan protested.

I've been told that there is a deviation between my view and the actual manga, so here's a bit of my reasoning behind including Tohma, besides the fact that he has the best connections money can buy:

(This explanation is based off of the fact that Tohma is not out to be with anyone other than his wife, and that the comments he makes otherwise are in jest. I have now learned that this might not be the case, and am currently researching the fact and re-reading to see how I view Tohma, and if my views on the matter change.)

Tohma is there because, in Eiri's mind, he knows how to deal with the situation better than Eiri does. He is Eiri's brother in law, and he knows the situation between Eiri Yuki the novelist and the Yuki that tried to rape and kill said novelist (Eiri's tutor...somewhere around book 8 or 9, I think, is where this is explained). I don't have the book to go off of, but I'm doing my best with what I know.

So here we have Yuki facing a double issue: first, memories of his own rape - which he is still grieving over - and the rape of his lover. He wouldn't bring his brother into it, because then it might make the situation

worse. Tohma, however, is married, and has a stable relationship with Eiri's sister - on top of the fact that he's helped Eiri to get back on his feet before. In Eiri's mind, he's safe, stable ground - even if he does ** him off - but Shuichi doesn't know that, and no one's bothered to tell him yet. Why? Because Eiri, facing this double issue of his own rape and Shuichi's rape, is running away from his own past. He doesn't want to see what's happened to Shuichi as what's happened *to* *Shuichi*, because that would hurt. Because it's now not really Shuichi in his mind, it's okay to share with someone who is "safe", and get some help in trying to rectify the situation.

Which, I agree, is incredibly stupid on Yuki's part, and he could avoid a big ol' mess later by just EXPLAINING that, but I don't think it's really in his character to just come out and say it.

Q: Why is Eiri so cold and making Shuichi do things he doesn't want?

SHINCHANSGIRL: I'm going to argue just the smallest bit with saying that Yuki is making Shuichi do things he doesn't want. The only time he really pushed is with the doctor - which was necessary - and when he knew that the cream hadn't been applied, he didn't protest or scold Shuichi. Which is a way of saying it's ok without

really saying it out loud.

Eiri is worried about Shuichi, and doesn't know how to show that except for doing what he does best: being himself and not leaving Shuchan. That's it - he's just being himself, and forgetting how to be sweet.

Q: Do you hate the fact that we're asking so many questions, and discrediting your fic?

SHINCHANSGIRL: Absolutely not! Even a flame can be helpful - if extremely rude. Yeah, I'm going to feel like a complete idiot when you point out something I missed entirely, and my name's going to be Mud when I realize I've completely twisted cannon into something...unidentifiable.

[EDIT: Review has been cut, do to the responder's request. I offer my apologies to the reviewer. My answers to his/her questions will remain standing, but please do not ask me any questions concerning the review itself; all questions concerning the review/reviewer will be ignored, and if I find that someone has flamed this person on my behalf, I will cut any request that person has made for fics - past present or future]

SHINCHANSGIRL: My apologies for combining questions, but they all seem to fit together nicely (as my reasoning is the same for all of them).

To be honest, I didn't pick up on the whole Tohma-wants-Eiri/Shuichi thing. I *did* notice some of it from when they were younger, but I guess I just blew that off as a sort of crush, and his more recent comments as teasing - since, to me, that's what it seemed like. Or maybe I simply glossed over it. Since I don't have the books with me, I can't be sure of what exactly I was thinking when I read it. I haven't read any of the fan books or seen any of the artbooks, so from there I'm at a complete loss.

And, if Tohma is trying to get in Yuki's pants and Yuki KNOWS it, it blows a big ol' chunk of my reasoning out of the water. ^^; Relying on memory here can be a very, very bad thing, but at the moment it's all I have.

As for Eiri not trusting Tohma...again, I don't see it. Perhaps it is just because I haven't read the full manga in a while, but I see that, while Tohma is manipulative, he does it in a way that Yuki (eventually) agrees with. They may not exactly have the best relationship, but I don't think that stems from a lack of trust.

Again though, if re-reading the manga (which will not happen until I can *get* my manga, which will be after another update, at the earliest) reveals something different, then I'll stick another AU tag up there, along with the deviation tag, and make it a TWT.

Q: Why is Yuki not showing his "sweet side" to Shuichi, like he did in the manga?

SHINCHANSGIRL: I do remember that Eiri can be sweet to Shuichi in his own way, but I didn't agree with the change in him when Shuichi woke up - right when this fic starts. I don't know if you can tell, but I had my books with me for the first chapter, and then I didn't with the second and third. To me, something about that scene seemed incredibly off. In my attempt to recitfy that, it seems that things have taken a major downhill slide.

Right now, there's a lot that Eiri's doing WRONG, which is obliterating everything he's doing RIGHT. Shu-chan will immediately pick up on everything he's doing right, because he's Yuki, and the bad things are crashing down too, cause he was raped, and that makes your life feel bad. Yuki will get a chance to show his sweet side...eventually.

LASTLY, IN GENERAL:

Everyone is entitled to their own views, and I'm not asking anyone to agree with me. I respect the fact that you don't see things the way I do, and if I've done something that offends you, let me know. If I can, I'll do my best to fix it.

Please don't stop reading, and, for my sake please, don't stop reviewing. I absolutely love hearing from you, and I really don't mean to cause problems.

-shinchansgirl

1. Forums are not to be used to post stories.
2. All discussions including language and content must be suitable for teens.
3. The owner/moderator(s) of this forum is solely responsible for content posted within this area.
4. All forum abuse must be reported to the moderator(s).

1. Forum admin/moderator
2. Fanatic (on site for more than 2 years)
3. Fan (on site for more than a year)
4. Regular (on site for more than 6 months)
5. Camper (on site for more than a month)
6. Apprentice (on site for more than a week)
7. Newbie (on site for less than a week)